StayInThePink

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Survival

2012-01-11T12:33:00.000-08:00

I guess I am a born philosopher; I came out of the womb asking, “Why?” You can imagine that when I got breast cancer twice I had lots of whys. I never asked, “Why me?” but I DID ask, “Why at all? Why should anyone have to suffer like this?” Refusing to let my suffering go to waste I determined to give it meaning by helping others who were facing the same ordeal. I wrote my story on websites and message boards, lending support, answering questions and warning people about pitfalls to avoid. I ~~hopefully~~ probably offended more than a few members of the medical establishment. I really didn’t care!

At the time I had my mastectomies DIEP flap reconstruction was just gaining popularity. Since I was overjoyed with my results I eagerly shared my success with anyone who was interested. In fact, I loved my breasts so much that on more than one occasion I flashed them faster than folks could say, “No thank you!” To me they were medical marvels! It became a joke among my friends to say, “Is there anyone in the country who hasn’t seen your breasts?”

That was 2006—fast forward to June 2011 and the FORCE conference in Orlando. FORCE stands for Facing Our Risk of Cancer Empowered and is dedicated to fighting hereditary breast and ovarian cancer. Since I tested negative for the genes I never thought I belonged in the organization, but I wanted to visit friends in Florida and the conference gave me a neat business write-off. (Not very noble of me, I confess.)

Truthfully, I dreaded going because I didn’t know a soul, and for the first day I felt so out of it that all I could think about was leaving early. Why in the world did I come here? I didn’t belong. Alas, changing the flight would cost a fortune, so I quit feeling sorry for myself and jumped into the program wholeheartedly.

The day ended with a gathering called “Show and Tell” where attendees could speak directly with surgeons about treatment procedures they might be considering. To my surprise I walked into cocktail party with no signs of surgeons or presentations. I asked one of the FORCE volunteers why, and learned that the “Show and Tell” took place in the next room, where women at various stages of reconstruction would show themselves to women facing mastectomy. Next thing I knew I was standing, bare-breasted, in a circle of grateful women asking me life-changing questions about my surgeries.

Now I knew the reason why I had come—to help people, in the flesh, who were worried and frightened by this awful disease.

Oh, and also because there were some people in the country who had not seen my breasts.

Censorship of Breast Cancer Art Project

2011-10-20T10:47:00.000-07:00

This morning, Facebook deleted a photo of a magazine cover that featured me for National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. As a full time advocate for breast cancer awareness, I am reliant on social media to help people become educated on the devastating effects of this disease. There was no notification, no inquiry as to the photo’s origins, no polite request to take it down. They simply deleted it, along with five other photos featuring cancer survivors. In each of these photos, the outlines of our bodies are visible but our breasts are fully covered by body paint. Flesh tones and nipples (which many of us no longer have) are completely and tastefully concealed under the incredible artwork of renowned photographer Michael D. Colanero and body painter Keegan Hitchcock, the geniuses behing the Breast Cancer Awareness Body Painting Project. There are countless Facebook ads that appear unsolicited showing women in sexually suggestive poses far more revealing than my photos. Millions of men appear bare chested on Facebook with no fear of recourse.

As a two time survivor of cancer, I am hurt and offended. As an advocate and speaker, I am determined to speak out against one of the largest human networks in the world standing between people and information that can save lives. Facebook’s entirely irresponsible process of removing content based on unsubstantiated complaints without review is endangering the public health. Facebook is no longer just a fun distraction; it is a source of news and information that hundreds of millions worldwide rely on. With this success comes a responsibility to approach free speech and advocacy for public health in a more cautious and deliberate manner.

I want to know how Facebook plans to live to their responsibility to protect free speech and ensure that an open and informative dialog can take place on their network.

Talking About Suicide

2011-08-10T13:26:00.000-07:00

It might seem odd that I would talk about suicide on a breast cancer website, but the sad truth is that cancer patients often develop depression during the course of treatment. Even sadder is that too often they suffer in silence; either because they don't understand what is wrong with them, or they are afraid to tell anyone. This can lead to profound hopelessness, and even thoughts of suicide.
If you have someone in your life with cancer who is beyond sad and upset, but seems devastated and despairing, don't be afraid to ask this scary question.

Remembering Betty Ford

2011-07-10T14:45:00.000-07:00

There was a time when cancer was something that people did not discuss in polite circles, when shame kept them from support and treatment.

Then First Lady Betty Ford revealed to the world that she had breast cancer, and the world has never been the same.

Cancer survivors everywhere owe a debt of gratitude to this brave lady. Perhaps even our lives.

THANK YOU BETTY

(Keep on dancing!)

Not Pretty In Pink

2011-06-13T08:44:00.000-07:00

One of the benefits of joining the fight against breast cancer is the friendships that are forged in the trenches. One of the best of these friends is Alicia Staley, a three-time cancer survivor and thought leader in the war against cancer.

Most recently Alicia has been an increasingly noisy gadfly biting the alarmingly swollen head of the mother of all breast cancer awareness ~~machines~~ charities, Susan G. Komen for the Cure.

Yes, many of us are not only worried about the direction Komen is taking, but about their refusal, so far, to join the discussion.

Alicia's eloquent protest can be found at WEGO Health.

Please read it and help us to help Komen END breast cancer in our lifetime.

Source

Facebook Blocks Breast Cancer Awareness Body Painting Photos

2011-03-03T10:25:00.000-08:00

This slideshow is my appeal to Facebook to reconsider their action against this worthy project. Please watch it, then read about it below.

Last summer I volunteered to model for Michael D. Colanero's amazing Breast Cancer Awareness Body Painting Project. Since then I have watched with eager anticipation as Michael released each piece to the public, hoping mine would be next. I marveled with countless others at the beauty and power each one evoked. All of us summoned courage to expose our bodies in this manner, but we gained so much in return. After months of watching our bodies be smashed, cut, poked, measured, burned, and re-examined, to trust our bodies to the compassionate artistry of Michael and his team felt powerful and lovely. Hours of painting, talking, posing, sharing, weeping, and laughing out loud, put us in charge of using our bodies for something great, for other survivors, for the world, for ourselves.

Imagine our dismay when, without warning, Facebook deleted all of the photos, including all of the text and comments.

If you agree with us and wish to help, please share this far and wide.

Join our Facebook group: http://on.fb.me/hMC5y3

You can contact Michael at BCABPP@uncommonstock.net

Click link to watch YouTube Video on Breast Cancer Awareness Body Painting

I do not claim any rights to this music on this video. Music by Christina Aguilera performing "Beautiful" (C) 2004 BMG.

Five years cancer free.

2011-02-06T11:11:00.000-08:00

I searched high and low for a photo that captures how I feel about this day. There were wonderful shots of fierce women in boxing rings, and ripped athletes flying over the finish line. But they weren't quite right, because my race is not over,

and the fight will never end.

This photo of a mountaineer says it all, because she is basking in her conquest, but higher peaks loom ahead.

So even though I might stay cancer free, until the world is cancer free

I will keep on fighting.

But for today
Celebrate with me!

Finding Myself, The Hard Way

2010-10-19T13:53:00.000-07:00

A few years ago my husband and I went on a tropical vacation with some good friends. I looked forward
to adventures in food and culture, world class snorkeling, and requisite beach lounging. I dreaded,
however, the big reveal—the unveiling of my post C-section, post-lumpectomy, post-menopausal, lop-
sided, and droopy form. This was in sharp contrast to the other wife who descends from Peter Pan:
she doesn’t age. At 50 her skin was as smooth and unwrinkled as her tummy was tight, and she looked
fabulous in a bikini. Not only did I not wear a bikini, I shrouded myself in "figure-flattering" sarongs.

A few days later I looked through the photos from that trip, and searing shame cut a swath through my
heart, self-hatred boiled in my veins.
Whoa.
I hated myself? Moi? I am a psychotherapist, for crying out loud; self-esteem is my job! Clearly I was
not where I thought I was . . . or who.
I turned to an old friend who had learned a thing or two about self-esteem when she lost her foot in
a car accident. I lamented that even when I was young and Cindy-Crawford-thin I had always felt fat
and uncomfortable in my body. “I know exactly what you mean,” she exclaimed. “I was the same way,
always thin and pretty. I just wish I had been there.”
Whoa.
How much of my life had I squandered wishing and wanting to be something else or other? For what, to
find acceptance in the eyes of people who were likely seeking the same from me? I knew better than
that! I also knew that diet and exercise were not the answer, because I had done plenty of both, and here
I was. I vowed to myself (whoever that was) that come hell or high water I would figure out a way to love
my elusive self.
Little did I know that hell and high water would arrive in the form of a second breast cancer: bilateral
mastectomies with immediate DIEP reconstruction, seven surgeries in all; and that was the easy part.
Flashbacks to childhood abuse erupted weeks after the surgery and suddenly my quest for self-discovery
took a turn down Alice’s rabbit hole. Surgery had given me a girlish figure, a bikini body that was
meaningless to me now as I fought my way through PTSD.
Month after month, one battle after another I seized all of my courage, anger, and intelligence to give—to
myself—good things, the way I gave them to everyone else.
Things like mercy, patience, and genuine regard. Eventually, one new choice at a time, I proved to
myself that external changes never heal twisted beliefs. This hellish journey was a crash course in
choosing to believe . . . myself.

I'M IN THE ARMY NOW

2010-10-01T14:52:00.000-07:00

I signed up to STOP breast cancer before it STARTS. Have you?

The goal of the Army of Women is to recruit ONE MILLION MEN AND WOMEN of all ages and ethnicities, including breast cancer survivors and those who have never had breast cancer. They seek to match volunteers with research projects aimed at PREVENTION.

How you can get involved:·

Join today at www.armyofwomen.org
Invite a friend at: https://www.armyofwomen.org/invitefriend
Update your Facebook status with the following: "I signed up to STOP breast cancer before it STARTS. Have you? Join today at www.armyofwomen.org, then copy and paste this status update as your own."
Tweet about the Army Of Women and to use the hashtag #WritePink.

Be part of ending breast cancer by participating in research. It's free, easy, and volunteers are desperately needed. I did it, and was even reimbursed for my time and mileage!

Great Resource on Breast Reconstruction

2010-08-27T18:17:00.000-07:00

I am delighted to announce that the American Society of Plastic Surgeons has produced a beautiful brochure that enables women facing mastectomy to begin the decision process well informed. It shows before and after photos of every surgical option available, including the pros and cons of each procedure.

And I am proud to have been featured as one of four women who have had reconstruction and are now active in breast cancer awareness.

The Ethics Of Nipple Reconstruction

2010-07-01T09:56:00.000-07:00

It is truly amazing what surgeons can do for mastectomy patients who choose reconstruction. Gone are the days when the only treatment for breast cancer was radical mastectomy, which removed not only breast tissue, lymph nodes, and nipples, but the underlying muscles, leaving women with concave, bony, and scarred chests.

With advancements in screening and techniques today’s women can choose among several surgical options, from breast conserving “lumpectomy,” to nipple-sparing mastectomy, to mastectomy with reconstruction of the entire breast, either with implants or autogenous tissue taken from the patient’s body.

Wait, there’s more. For women who select the DIEP flap procedure, where the tissue is taken from the abdomen, they get a tummy tuck in the process—an extreme makeover courtesy of insurance!

Nowadays women can even choose whether or not they want replacement nipples; and many opt for nipple reconstruction and areola tattooing. This is the choice I made. Reconstructed nipples are notorious for losing their projection, so my surgeon saved some of my cartilage to provide a permanent point under the nipple. I thought it was a genius idea.

That was 4 years ago.

Don’t get me wrong: I love my breasts, and l trust my surgeon: AND I wish I didn’t have nipples that are always at attention but never any fun. Wherever I go, whatever the climate, it is always winter but never Christmas.

Question: why bother? Why subject ourselves to another hospital stay, another surgical procedure, another recovery time, for a temporary fix? Why not go straight to a professional tattoo artist who can do this:

I put the question out there for my survivor sisters: what do you think? What have you experienced? Please add to the discussion so we can improve the options for future sisters.
________________________
Permanent Areola Repigmentation And Nipple Restoration by Melany Whitney
http://www.permanentmkup.com/areola_restoration.php

I think of my dad on Memorial Day

2010-05-28T07:37:00.000-07:00

Like so many young men of his time he dreamed of becoming a pilot, but after Pearl Harbor the Air Force was inundated with enlistees and could not accept them all in flight school. Dad had a magnificent bass voice and a way with words, so he was quickly assigned to radio communications. He ended up near Chichiang, China, in a coastal area directly west of northern Japan.

Dad was a great storyteller, and to this day I have vivid images of some of his experiences there: how every morning the egg delivery man loaded his baskets with fresh eggs, but that by the end of his route the last eggs were far from fresh; and how the landing strip grew up over night through the wizardry of a thousand Chinese hauling dirt in baskets.

But the story I remember most vividly happened after one of the many bombing missions that flew over Japan. It was not unusual for pilots to lose their bearings after completing a mission and start heading out to sea. As a communications specialist Dad’s job was to radio the correct coordinates to the pilot until they were safely over land. What set this night apart was that the plane was also running out of fuel. For endless, nerve-wracking minutes, he and this pilot raced against time as they barked coordinates back and forth. Just as the pilot reached safety, he broke military procedure and asked Dad for his name. Dad fired back, “Delta uniform golf alpha November!” (Military code for Dugan).

Months later the war ended and Dad headed home on a troop ship. He gladly took his turn at watch so he could get some fresh air and smoke a cigarette (in those days that was not an oxymoron). Another soldier joined him in conversation, and it wasn’t long before they discovered that this was that pilot and Dad was that radio operator! They exchanged addresses, and not long after Dad returned home he received a gift from that pilot—a piece of the parachute that he had used to float to earth and safety. That was how close that call was!

I have always loved that story because it is full of drama and heroism, and a surprise twist at the end. But on Memorial Day it takes on more meaning, because it was the story my father recalled, one more time, on the night before he died. In his eighty-fifth year Dad learned he had lung cancer (those damned cigarettes) and he chose to have a third of his lung removed. It was a brutal surgery, but he surprised everyone by recovering and coming home to play golf again. Well, he puttered on the green in his back yard. It wasn’t long before complications from the surgery landed him back in the hospital, then a nursing home, where he ended his days on earth.

I live only five minutes away from that nursing home, so one night I decided to visit him again to tuck him in. When I approached him he struggled to see me, not from blindness but because he was deep in reverie. He asked me if I thought his military service was valuable. I said yes, and we recalled the story of the lost plane, the broken rule, and the parachute. I could not have known it, but Dad was spending his final hours in his own, personal memorial day.

So on this Memorial Day I cherish one unforgettable story of heroism in honor of countless others.

What do we do when our mothers are gone?

2010-05-08T17:41:00.000-07:00

Mothers's Day was never special, until now.
This year is the first without Mom.

My husband said, "We have no mothers," and though our relationships with them were far from perfect, we gazed in dumbstruck wonder at this incomprehensible reality.

Wanting to write a Mother's Day tribute, I watched videos of her, and felt a vice close around my heart. I stared at the screen, hands heavy and still.

Then I heard the familiar pop signaling a friend's greeting in the Facebook chat room. It was Shelley, a survivor sister, wishing me a happy Mother's Day. It made me cry. She understood. She made me laugh, too.

She gave me mother comfort.

Reminding me that no matter how good or weak our mothers might be, they can never fill every need. Some leave patches of pain for us to mend, while others leave fathomless holes in our hearts. All of these wounds of unmet need remain for us to comfort ourselves.

But not by ourselves.

In the eyes and arms and words of others with love, even mother love, to give.

Thank you Shelley.

Thank you, Mom.

-

Vietnam or bust: breast cancer is coming your way.

2010-04-27T10:18:00.000-07:00

I recently traveled with my husband to Vietnam because our daughter is involved in the launching of their version of Dancing With The Stars It was a thrill to see her perform on a live TV show and to get a taste of the culture she is experiencing.

From the bustling streets clogged with motor scooters, to the floating market on the Mekong River, to a sobering view of the ~~Vietnam~~ American War Remnants Museum, it was a week of surprises; some painful, most delightful.

One disturbing sight was the proliferation of KFC restaurants. Our guide explained that KFC is extremely popular, and that children are now rejecting traditional ~~healthy~~ Vietnamese food in favor of FAsT food.

Imagine my surprise when I came back to the US to find that KFC, world famous ~~health~~ food chain, has joined forces with a leader in breast cancer awareness, Susan G. Komen for the Cure. “Buckets for the Cure” pledges 50 whole cents to Komen for each pink bucket of chicken sold.

What is wrong with this picture? Besides the fact that many folks are already turned off by the pink-washing of ~~the world~~ America, Komen ignores the contradiction between their mission to end breast cancer forever, and promoting a restaurant chain that markets the world’s unhealthiest types of food. If Komen’s mission were simply to stop deaths from breast cancer, this campaign might make ~~a little~~ sense.

BUT ending breast cancer means PREVENTION, which in Komen's own words includes eating “...fewer high fat foods and sweets”.

You can’t have it both ways.

PS the only overweight Vietnamese person I saw was a little girl entering, you guessed it, KFC.

Is it too soon to have my daughter checked? She is almost 12.

2010-03-02T11:32:00.000-08:00

This question came to me from a new friend I recently met on Twitter whose young sister is battling breast cancer. This is what she writes in her profile:

My sister has Stage 3 Breast Cancer. Today all of her hair came off. So depressing. She has NO Insurance.

Considering that just last year there was a major news story about a 10 year old girl with breast cancer, my friend's question is not far-fetched. Although her daughter's risk of having breast cancer at 11 is almost nil, her worry is understandable.

Most of us react with a mixture of sympathy and horror, reassuring ourselves that such a thing could never happen to our daughter. And statistically the vast majority of us would be correct. We can shake our heads and sigh, “Those poor people". . . key word "those".

But when your sister loses not just her hair but her baby because of breast cancer, you start to look at your 11 year old baby girl with new worry.

For all I have gained because of breast cancer I have truly embraced it as a gift. Honest.
But I would never wish it on my worst enemy, and certainly not on this dear sister.

PS, yes 12 is too young to start checking.
***

Breast cancer, Haiti, and not-so-silly Twitter

2010-02-22T13:17:00.001-08:00

My little country church has partnered with an orphanage in Haiti since 2005. It was a constant struggle to raise funds for these dear people. We built the security wall and started two buildings. Then through my breast cancer networking on Twitter I learned of a proposed TV show called Imagine This TV, which is like Extreme Makeover Home Edition, only for communities around the world. Another Twitter friend hooked them up with my Pastor, and they took on our project. THEN when the earthquake hit, people from everywhere, including TV networks, were calling our little church to ask how they could help, because they knew that we knew people in country who were honest and reliable. In the midst of the grief over losing 45 kids (of 200) we rejoiced that help was coming to our dear orphans. My pastor and I hugged and I said, “Who woulda thunk it? This all started with silly little Twitter! Unless . . . it started with breast cancer!”

If my breast cancer played a part in helping Haitians, then bless you, cancer. I wrote the following poem to express my wonder and gratitude.

WHY ME?
When I was crushed by thoughts of suicide and God was nowhere to be seen, I never asked,
Why me?
When I landed in a psych ward battling insanity, I did not ask,
Why me?
When I had breast cancer at 46 it never occurred to me to ask,
Why me?
When cancer struck again, tore my flesh, and tried to steal my femininity,
I shook my fists, I wailed and screamed, "Why, God?", but never thought,
Why me?
Then cancer opened doors to help people with cancer, and their families.
Then Twitter led me to more people with many needs, and to people with more to give.
Then I met people, who could help rescue Haitian kids from poverty and slavery,
and we built walls and wells and hope to the children.
and the world arrived with bounteous help and no place to give it.

Then I understood why me.

Catch up on the Haiti Project at ImagineThisTV

****************************************

Why I Still Recommend Mammograms

2010-02-05T09:14:00.001-08:00

Last November the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force created a firestorm with the release of their new guidelines for breast cancer screening. Here is a short and dirty summary of the controversial recommendations provided by The American College of Radiology:

· AGAINST routine screening mammography in women age 40-49

· AGAINST teaching breast self examination

· AGAINST clinical breast examinations

· AGAINST previously recommended routine screening for women 75 years or older

· AGAINST annual screening mammograms for women age 50-74 (Recommending screening every OTHER year versus the currently recommended annual screening)

I don’t pretend to be a cancer expert, so even though my initial reaction was fury (do nothing before 50 or after 74?) and cynicism (could this be driven by insurance companies?), I decided to wait for the dust to settle and see how the real experts responded. Below is a list of ten organizations so far who reject the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force new recommendations. (For the sake of brevity I list only the names and relevant quotes: if you want the URLs I will provide them.) By the way, if I had followed the new guidelines I would be dead: my first cancer appeared when I was 46.

THE AMERICAN CANCER SOCIETY is not changing our recommendations for breast cancer screening as a result of this report.
THE AMERICAN COLLEGE OF OBSTETRICIANS AND GYNECOLOGISTS Screening mammography every 1-2 years for women aged 40-49 years; every year for women age 50 or older
AMERICAN COLLEGE OF RADIOLOGY Detailed ACR Statement on Ill Advised and Dangerous USPSTF Mammography Recommendations
AMERICAN COLLEGE OF SURGEONS recommend women get a mammogram every year, starting at age 40.
AVON FOUNDATION FOR WOMEN begin annual screening mammography at age 40, and continue annual screening mammography for as long as the woman is in good health
BREASTCANCER.ORG: we firmly recommend that women get annual routine screening mammograms starting at age 40.
KOMEN FOR THE CURE wants to eliminate any impediments to regular mammography screening for women age 40 and older…
MAYO CLINIC Mayo Clinic will continue to recommend screening mammograms for women age 40 and older.
NATIONAL CANCER INSTITUTE Women in their 40s and older should get a mammogram every 1 to 2 years.
SOCIETY OF BREAST IMAGING Breast Cancer Screening Should Begin at Age 40.

Grow Breasts from Fat: the Future of Breast Reconstruction

2009-11-17T06:30:00.000-08:00

A new form of breast reconstruction that allows women to re-grow breasts from their own fat stem cells after a mastectomy could be offered to British and Australian breast cancer patients for the first time in 2010.

A human trial of the new technique is being planned by plastic surgeons at a London hospital. The trial will study whether fat cells can be induced to multiply and fill a breast-shaped mold implanted under the chest skin to recreate a breast after mastectomy. Australian scientists also recently announced that they would start similar treatments on women within six months, following animal studies involving mice and pigs that successfully re-grew breasts from fat.
To read the full story visit the blog of Dr. Minas Chrysopoulo, Board Certified Plastic Surgeon, and Twitter friend @mchrysopoulo.

Why some mastectomy patients are denied the best treatment available. HINT: Follow the money.

2009-08-07T11:27:00.000-07:00

Research shows that only 25% of patients facing mastectomy are informed about the option of breast reconstruction. In my work in the breast cancer community I have met women whose own reconstructive surgeons did not tell them about these state-of-the-art procedures, even though they lived metropolitan areas where several surgeons did perform them. Since the DIEP procedure has been done in the US for over 15 years and is well known among reconstructive surgeons, what conclusion can we draw except that these doctors choose to keep their patients in the dark in order to keep them in their practices.

The problem doesn't end with physican turf wars: the following article from CancerCompass reveals that "...some insurance companies will discourage a patient from pursuing such advanced options because cheaper alternatives only may be provided by their 'in-network' providers."
Hand me my smelling salts!

The complete original cited in CancerCompass has been deactivated: DIEP And SIEA Microsurgery Flaps -- The Gold Standards In Breast Reconstruction: And Why Insurance Must Cover Them

Is surgery an unkind cut?

2009-07-31T18:44:00.000-07:00

A Canadian study found that women who had bilateral oophorectomy had almost a two-fold increase in risk of lung cancer compared to women who had normal menopause.

Let me get this right: we hack off parts of our bodies to prevent one cancer, which then triggers the disease someplace else? Many breast cancer survivors elect to remove their ovaries because of the statistical correlation between the two types of cancer. Having lost both breasts to cancer, I cling to the promise that I have zero risk of more breast cancer, but this research gives me pause. Do I sacrifice my ovaries or my lungs? Cancer really does suck.
To read the entire story about this research on the Caring4Cancer website, click here:
Bilateral Oophorectomy Increases Risk of Lung Cancer

2009-07-19T19:16:00.001-07:00

Facing mastectomy? For those who need help in a hurry. Look under Recommended Reading, Breast Reconstruction Guidebook http://tinyurl.com/yaa8s82

Elective mastectomy—what I wish my doctor had told me.

2009-07-10T16:37:00.000-07:00

The diagnosis of breast cancer brings with it an avalanche of decisions, and one of the most difficult is whether or not to remove the unaffected breast. Our hope is that getting rid of the breast will protect us from recurrence, and with advancements in reconstruction, we can look forward to perky, cancer-free breasts. Good as new.

Right?

Not really.

No one cautioned me about the impact of nipple amputation on my sex life. No one even mentioned sexual function in any way. I know, it should be obvious that no nipple equals no pleasure. But such obvious things are exactly the kinds of things that don't occur to us when we are scared to death of dying.

When men have prostate cancer the top question they ask is, you guessed it, "Will I retain sexual function?" And a huge percentage of men opt for the less invasive, more risky, treatment in order to preserve quality of life. Why is sexual function not considered an important issue when choosing breast cancer treatment, particularly elective mastectomy?

It never occurred to me, and no one warned me. In all of my research I have never found a woman who was told about the cost of nipple amputation. Some women say, "I wouldn't miss it. I haven't felt my nipples since I breast fed." Others say, "It would be a devastating loss." The point is informed consent-- hear the pros and cons, and make the choice you can live with.

Of the dozens of women with whom I have spoken since my surgery, only one said that someone brought up this issue with her prior to surgery. That is unconscionable, so I make sure to explore the subject with women who contact me. I want to be part of the solution, not just complain about the problem.

I wish someone had done so for me.

For more information about surgical options visit this site~ http://www.sanfranciscodiep.com/reconstruction.html

A Good Grief

2009-05-16T14:32:00.000-07:00

Not long ago I opened Twitter to a Blip.fm of Sarah McLachlan's "I will remember you" and choked up. As the song played a well of sadness opened up in me, and I realized how heavy my heart had been all week without me even noticing. What I had noticed was how stressed and overwhelming my life seemed, and that I was tired beyond reason. This poignant song from a stranger on Twitter opened the floodgates, not just of tears (which it did) but of memories I had been holding at bay—that month my hairdresser died at 32, that week my dentist succumbed to a life-long battle with depression, and the 30 year old son of friends died in his sleep.

I did not cry until that morning, and it felt good.

I know better than to bottle up pain. I am a therapist, for crying out loud—grief counseling is one of my specialties! How in the world did I let this happen? In the first place, a degree in psychotherapy does not confer immunity from the storms of life. At best, the hours spent helping people through their Katrinas can teach us what really matters, so we don’t waste energy on the teapot variety. Knowing that, I still allowed this reasonable grief to dam up inside until I found myself on the outside of my life looking in with leaden longing.

Then a dollop of grace fell on my weary mind, and tears gave me strength to feel, and to understand. There is a verse in the Bible that always seemed silly to me: “Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted.” Be glad when we lose loved ones, for we will be comforted??? That hardly seems worth saying. Then I lost loved ones, and learned that mourning is a funeral every day for months. A card in the mail, a song on the radio, and suddenly we drop into a pool of sorrow. And there are unwanted thoughts of anger and guilt that demand expression. Tears of grief weigh more than mercury, and must flow out—they do not go away, and if denied will crush us from within as surely as a tumor crowds the life out of a liver. This is all part of mourning, the kind that brings comfort. We call it grief work. I was comforted because I finally felt the pain I did not want to feel.

So I say, Blessed are they who do their grief work, for they will find comfort.

PS that stranger on Twitter is now a friend.

Depression is a big fat liar

2009-05-11T21:35:00.000-07:00

I am no stranger to depression, and I know from both seats in the counseling office that depression lies to us when it tells us to withdraw from others. Hopeless, helpless, and worthless are the mottos of depression, and they are all untrue, but very loud, voices from the pit of despair. That’s why one of the simplest strategies for overcoming depression is to go for a walk with a friend: it combats isolation and, if the walk is at all vigorous, it will flood the parched body with natural morphine. That’s right, our bodies produce endorphins, which are safe*, FDA approved, no insurance needed, free, morphine!

It won’t cure depression, but it is one thing that will help.

*No animals are injured in the production of this natural pain killer: in fact, take Fido on your walk. You will both feel better.